have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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