So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
