Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
