How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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