we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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