I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
