soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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