um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
