So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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