new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
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the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
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Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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