im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
