My friends, they love my intelligence
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
