you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
