I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
