I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
