some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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