Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
