you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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