I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
