I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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