Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
