just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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