Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
