Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
