Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
