You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
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Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
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He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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