he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
