It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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