i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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