So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is it because I queefed?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
