hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
