I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
