i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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