Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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