i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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