i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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