this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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