someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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