I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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