If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
