o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
