While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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