Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
