Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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