I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Never underestimate the power of titties
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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