barbara walters just said penis...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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