I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
