I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
