woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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