I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
