it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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