You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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