Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
