i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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