Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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