dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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