After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wear drunk well.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
