I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
