Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
