just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
