last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
