It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
