You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
