already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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