lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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