Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
