The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
