1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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