12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You ate ashes out of my bong
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
