I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm too high and old for this...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
