how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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