I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
